In July 2010 we went on a family vacation on Whidbey Island for the 4th of July. We spent the whole week in a house with my husband, kids and many members of my extended family. Other family members made day trips to visit us. It was a special time of relaxing, talking, laughing, and watching the kids play with their cousins. During that time, my right hip began to hurt. I figured it was from the long walks on the sandy beach and maybe even the lumpy bed I was sleeping in. But when we returned home, the pain continued and was also in my lower spine and tailbone area. I had learned to ignore back pain over the years, because after four children and turning 40 it’s just part of the deal. But this was different. Why would my hip hurt? I hadn’t done anything that would injure or stress it.

I finally went to an orthopedist who took a quick x-ray and couldn’t find any reason why it was hurting, and prescribed physical therapy. As you can imagine, the prospect of a cancer recurrence has hovered over me, and every pain and lump over the years makes me wonder. But everything has always turned out fine. This time, I wasn’t reassured. The pain made no sense. I hadn’t done anything strenuous or injured myself recently. In August I had my annual checkup with my oncologist, who has been my doctor for the last 14 years, through all of my treatments. She sent me for a bone scan. When the doctor called me personally, I knew it wasn’t good news. She wanted more tests, a CT scan and biopsy. But I knew that these were just to confirm our worst fear, that the cancer had spread.

My husband was at work when I called and told him that the doctor wanted a biopsy. He was silent for a minute and then I could hear the fear in his voice. He realized how serious my situation was, and came home from work as quickly as possible. That Friday we spent the day at the hospital for the bone biopsy. My husband told me when I woke up that one of the pastors from church had been there, but I was asleep so he left. I quickly asked him to go after him and bring him back to pray with me.

The results showed that I was now at the next stage – stage IV. The cancer had spread to my bones, and two small spots in my lung. Every day I woke up and realized again that my worst fears had come true. The amazing part is that I was not afraid for myself, I was mostly upset for what I know my family will have to go through.  We told my two older kids so that they could understand what we were dealing with. I told them that no mater what happens, the most important thing to me is that they know God and live their lives fulfilling the purpose he has for them. I told them that no one knows for sure how long they have here on earth, but we need to make the most of the time we have and make a difference for others.