When we found out about my cancer recurrence last August I told my teenagers right away. I wanted them to understand what was going on and I knew I would need their help in the months to come as I started my treatment. For a long time, I did not tell my 8 year old daughter and 5 year old son. I knew that once I told them it would change their world forever. I wanted to let them stay in the sweet innocence of childhood.

Over time, the stress of my cancer treatments and the emotional toll of the diagnosis on the whole family began to build.  My little girl wasn’t sure why, so she talked to her friends and tried to figure out what was going on.  The tension also showed up as increased fighting between her and her brothers and sister.  After a couple of her friends’ moms called me and told me what my daughter was telling their girls, I knew it was time.  Even though it would be the hardest conversation I had ever had with my little ones, I wanted them to hear the truth from me, not from another friend or an overheard conversation.

I held her on my lap while her dad sat across from us.  I told her gently and carefully about my diagnosis and treatments.  I began by reviewing the last two rounds I had fought with cancer to make sure she knew my history, and so that she would know that I have faced this before and we would get through this together again.  I didn’t give too much detail, or go into information about my stage or prognosis.  I wanted to reassure her that we would do everything possible, and that sometimes I wouldn’t feel well.  I told her that her grandparents and older siblings knew, and encouraged her to ask questions or just talk to someone anytime.

She was very quiet, but I saw a little tear in her eyes.  I had to hold back and speak calmly so I didn’t upset her.  I am amazed that I was able to talk without breaking down and crying, but I have had many moments that I have done that in private. I know that she is a thinker, so she will have questions for me later.  For now, it has brought a surprising amount of peace to our home, and now I can honestly explain what my appointments are for and why I need to rest.  I see her take more responsibility around the house and try to do more chores and help me out.  Her relationship with her sister has also improved.  We are facing this together!