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Riding the Crash

Feb14

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMy oldest son is learning to play the drums, and at first I had mixed feelings. I’m sure every parent who has a child learning a new instrument can relate. I’m glad he’s learning something new, and we’re thankful for the generous friend who loaned us the beautiful, full-size drum set. To be honest, I think it’s cool he wants to play the drums, and I’ve wanted him to learn for a while now, but some days….

Last week, I was enjoying the quiet, peaceful house when, boom, boom, crash, he started to play. I would have enjoyed it more if I could have heard the song he was playing along with, but all I heard were the booms and crashes. Pretty soon, he was playing a continuous crash of cymbals. “Why is he keeping the beat on the cymbals?” I wondered. I was pretty sure he was playing it wrong. Later, I told him, “wow, there were a lot of cymbals in that song.” “Oh yeah”, he said, “that’s how they play it, they ride the crash through the whole chorus.” So it sounded like a lot of noise to me, but it even had a name.

That phrase stuck with me for days. It reminded me of I Corinthians 13:1 (hcsb)

“If I speak human or angelic languages
but do not have love,
I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
There are times when I’m teaching (okay lecturing) my kids, but if I don’t do it with love, I’m a clanging cymbal. In other words, I’m riding the crash. The times I’m grumpy or impatient, I don’t take time to listen, I’m not sensitive to other’s feelings, I’m riding the crash. When I think of it this way, I catch myself pretty quickly now. “Oh boy, I’m riding the crash today”. It’s a good self-check; am I saying this with love, or am I just a lot of noise?

The Gift of Time

Jan19

DSC_0144-1     Time. It goes so fast, and there never seems to be enough of it. I’m sure this is why I like to “multi-task”. It’s a nice way of saying that I might be one place physically, but another mentally. I confess, I do this with my kids all the time. I’m trying to get something done, two or three of them are trying to talk at the same time, or one of their stories is going on a little too long. Meanwhile, I’m mentally somewhere else. “Um-hm” I say to make them think I’m listening. But lately, I’m making an effort to be more aware, more present in the moment. I don’t usually like to make “resolutions”, so I will call this a decision to be intentional with my time.

Am I just spending my time, or am I investing it? Am I rushing through my day just trying to get things done, or do I stop and connect, bless, or sacrifice for the benefit of someone else. Life is fragile, fleeting, and precious, and I am thankful for all of the time that I have been given. So I want to spend my time investing in something every day that has meaning. I will do what is most important, not just what is most urgent. And today, I will stop, look into the other person’s eyes, and really listen to what they are saying.

 

 

A Month of Thanksgiving

Nov28

I decided to try an idea that many of my friends are doing. Instead of just celebrating Thanksgiving day this month, we would do it for the whole month of November.  Every day I wanted each member of the family to say one thing that they are thankful for, and it has to be a different thing each day.  As you might guess, my kids were less than thrilled about this idea at first. i got a lot of eye rolling, and answers like “I’m thankful for everything”, or “I’m thankful for my house, my toys” etc.

I tried to do this exercise as a daily habit.  I admit, we weren’t perfectly consistent, but found time to do it most days.  Sometimes it was at the dinner table, some days at bedtime, or even in the car.  The point was to get them thinking.  I made sure to keep it positive and short, and I tried my best to be sincere and thoughtful in my thought of the day.  Over time, the kids became more creative, and started to think outside of their own little world.  I heard things like “I’m thankful I was able to help give away turkey’s and help people carry groceries to their cars”, “I’m thankful that I could give toys in a shoebox to some kids who have nothing”. 

In the end, I think the lesson is sinking in and taking root.  It was worth a little resistance and eye-rolling.  The key was to keep it short, sweet, and real 🙂

The Hardest Conversation

Feb15

When we found out about my cancer recurrence last August I told my teenagers right away. I wanted them to understand what was going on and I knew I would need their help in the months to come as I started my treatment. For a long time, I did not tell my 8 year old daughter and 5 year old son. I knew that once I told them it would change their world forever. I wanted to let them stay in the sweet innocence of childhood.

Over time, the stress of my cancer treatments and the emotional toll of the diagnosis on the whole family began to build.  My little girl wasn’t sure why, so she talked to her friends and tried to figure out what was going on.  The tension also showed up as increased fighting between her and her brothers and sister.  After a couple of her friends’ moms called me and told me what my daughter was telling their girls, I knew it was time.  Even though it would be the hardest conversation I had ever had with my little ones, I wanted them to hear the truth from me, not from another friend or an overheard conversation.

I held her on my lap while her dad sat across from us.  I told her gently and carefully about my diagnosis and treatments.  I began by reviewing the last two rounds I had fought with cancer to make sure she knew my history, and so that she would know that I have faced this before and we would get through this together again.  I didn’t give too much detail, or go into information about my stage or prognosis.  I wanted to reassure her that we would do everything possible, and that sometimes I wouldn’t feel well.  I told her that her grandparents and older siblings knew, and encouraged her to ask questions or just talk to someone anytime.

She was very quiet, but I saw a little tear in her eyes.  I had to hold back and speak calmly so I didn’t upset her.  I am amazed that I was able to talk without breaking down and crying, but I have had many moments that I have done that in private. I know that she is a thinker, so she will have questions for me later.  For now, it has brought a surprising amount of peace to our home, and now I can honestly explain what my appointments are for and why I need to rest.  I see her take more responsibility around the house and try to do more chores and help me out.  Her relationship with her sister has also improved.  We are facing this together!